He would become distant and i would feel left alone and hurt by it. I would go on my off days when I wasnt in collehe classes or work. And dont get me wrong, I enjoyed spending time with him regardless, it just got really boring and frustrating after half a year. Hes a good man but not romantic, lately I been feeling like I been putting in all the work & carrying the relationship. the hard part is we have a very deep connection, we understand eachother, and have the best friendship any partner could have I have recently told him on a few occasions how unhappy I have become. We lived together in my apartment for about a year & a half. Now if I even suggest or hint at sex it is another argument. Sadly, he doesnt ask questions about me, my life before. (He still didnt) I asked him to please text me if he was going to be late and he got upset with me. I went back to check on him and he was online for like a minute..(Thinking he was asleep I left sweet messages for him to read when he wakes up. But we got OUR place, he expects me to clean, cook, everything. What should I do? I have been dealing with a lot lately. Losing the So I stated being more involved in his hubbies then usual and listening. He spoiled her before they had kids then stopped completely as the kids needed his resources. Give him some space to work on his stuff and go easy on him for a bit. I have 2 kids and he has 1(im 22 hes turning 23). Its been almost 2 yrs with him and I hot him gifts ( handmade thoughtful gift and a tshirt) he hot me nothing for my bday. I am literally in the exact same position. One thing I have learnt over the years is that we shouldnt let our kindness be a weakness in front of men. We havent been intimate in almost 2 years and when I asked him he says hes not turned on ? Hi. My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months. Literally so many times. I still feel like he is lacking in effort in me and the relationship. Im 55, I decided I can not live another minute in an unstable relationship. It lasted 4 days. He wont make an effort to see me. I decided to pull back and just sit and watch. Thats Progress! Were both not yet married with our partners since both of our relationship with our partners is not okay. Ironic the 6th year anniversary I spoke of then is on Monday and we were supposed to be celebrating by going to the place we went on our first date tomorrow, instead, because they arent open on Mondays. If I dont ask him are we seeing each other today? It takes a lot of patience and time. I cant let go of people. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. He talks but does not deliver. But for him, anniversaries are pointless. Im still waiting on unemployed from when I lost my ft job in Sept. My tuition for spring is late. When I first met him I didnt think I needed a relationship but now especially in this lockdown I feel a little empty and alone. I keep trying to tell myself this is just a bad patch until I finish school and get a full-time job again- now that hes finally got a new job and should be happy. I love my boyfriend so much, weve been together for a year now. He just doesnt understand why. But since last year, he stopped doing that. What you talk about really does depend on the issues youre facing, how long youve been together, and why your boyfriend isnt making an effort in your relationship. Im slowly giving up but everytime i try to let go he acts like he rlly loves me and he wants me back. We go no where, we do nothing. While he was living with his mom he got a job and was so focused on that..he didnt talk to me as much anymore. We were friends for about 2 years before I gave him a shot and when we were still just friends he would try to spend as much time with me as possible and hangout all the time. if he told you he does not see a future with you, as hard as it is, you need to walk away now. Ive held up my end and have been a loving girlfriend but Im not getting much back, but am also afraid of being alone. I dont know why he continues on with me if he has no interest. Especially if you have a SON!! Just because you have no family, dont let that make him think that he is the one whos there for you and hence, he can decide to love you when he wants to. One thing that has been helping me is just leaving the room to give each other space. (adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({}); Putting yourself in your boyfriends shoes is important when youre wondering what to do about his lack of effort. He barely calls me back when he sees my miss calls,i talked to him about it,he told me he is just stressed up with work.. Now he tries to call me at night or text me before he sleeps,he returns my calls,but things are not like before.. Lastly, he is obsessed with social media. Xx Be strong. work game sleep. Im going through the same thing now. Cant believe how common my situation is right now. He gets angry and its caused a lot of fights lately. he nvr wants to go out w me, not even to dinner. HE NEVER CLEANS. Texts are still slow. This is an old post but was wondering what you did? Im a mum of one and I feel if we move in he will leave it all to me. I said sorry like 4 times before I hung up. I dont know if Im being dramatic but its just hard sometimes when you feel like you love someone more than they love you. Thats why I feel like I need to leave. If he isnt putting any effort in the beginning of the relationship then I think its time to let him go. I feel like my heart is breaking already, just waiting for the dreaded phone call to say he cant give me what I want when Ive said all I want is some time together an hour here or there, some texts to show he cares I dont feel its much but if its too much for him then I guess I need to accept things. Be happy with you. If hes not at work, hes in his reclyner n thats where he stays n doesnt get up unless he has to pee. second: (and here is the big thing!) We were together 8 months. He has joint custody of his 17 yr old daughter and about 2 months ago he found out that her stepdad had been engaging in sexual activity with her. Hes now begging for me back , saying hes going to change. Letting Go of Someone You Loveisnt about getting over it. Letting go doesnt mean forgetting, pretending you didnt lose an important relationship, or guarding your heart so you dont get hurt again. Especially since he cant even deliver the bare minimum in this relationship. I have 2 dogs who give me so much love and fulfillment. Im 53, he is 51. We would stay up all night calling for hours, thats how we learned the most about each other. Its amazing how identical to yours he is. It was great for a few months, but now the lock down is over (here in Europe) I feel like hes starting to make less effort again, prioritizing sports and friends again. He chatted me the day of valentines day 2019. Hey so Ive been in a relationship for about 2 years now. Since then my boyfriend has made no effort in our relationship. Maybe I just need to not be so dependent and work on myself. Thank you for being here, and for being so honest about your relationship difficulties! Youll learn how to respond when your boyfriend stops texting you. I thought after he quit his job he would have no excuse, but now he just puts even more time into video games. Here are just some of the effects if one partner will fail to pay full time & attention not just with their partner but with the relationship itself. Should I just leave and find someone that can give me those things? He is in law school, I am getting my masters, and we also partake in a long distance relationship. Here are 5 reasons he stopped texting you: 1. In order for your partner to communicate, share ideas, and feel close to you, you must reciprocate their attention; a healthy relationship isn't a one-way street. But it hasnt. We no longer sleep in the same bed, he has chosen to sleep on the couch. Ive been doing long distance for nearly 4 years now which hasnt been so good with COVID but honestly thats just an excuse, I think our relationship was still doing bad back then. And thats is the absolute best you can do. Are you still in your relationship? If you really love him and see potential in the relationship then give it a try. He has free accommodation, food, gas, sexy times, meals cooked, washing done etc. i just wish he would be more emotionally available. He is separated with 4 kids and a selfish demanding ex wife who took everything she could from him while they were together. Girl please, stop wading knee deep in his shit! He Finds Your Attention Diverted. It was about the same time he stopped replying. I know it hurts so bad but you need to be strong and move forward, with or without him. I said we work on it or we end it. hed text at 11-1am for me, but by then i would have fallen asleep. So I stopped doing that and now treat him like just a friend. I cant say no because if I do I feel like Im being lazy and letting them down, plus they get mad at me for saying no. On the other hand, if your man is more independent and hes not used We have been talking for almost a month. Doing this you will find out more about yourself. He barely showers and Im afraid he barely feeds my son when Im away at work. Im still not brave enough to leave him though he was my first long term and Ive had the best time of my life with him. I mentioned it many times, cant wait to get home and eat what youve made & have dinner with you! He leaves his laundry pile up on the floor, towels, dirty dishes. We met and it was pretty much an instant connection. I really i am lost and dont know what to do, love only gets old if he allows it, I have been trying to do sweet things for him aswell by making him a nice meal and texting him good morning and just checking up on him but I guess he seems rather bored. Also said he is feeling low and has issues with his father (this something he always tell me tbh)He hasnt called me yet tho he promised he would. Our honeymoon ended way sooner than for others. Imagine his game is more important than you. I didnt even realise I was expecting the bare minimum until it hit me while I was laying in bed after he hadnt messaged me all day because he was busy playing his game. He says sometimes he appreciates me but words mean nothing, actions do. He also is financially stressed and gets seasonal sadness (its winter here in Wisconsin) and I try my hardest to support his needs with it all but it drains me always having to take care of him while I get nothing in return except more expectations. How much time should I spent apart from him and not talking to him? Antidepressents can be a good way to start on the road back to normal just to give you some emotional stability. forgive me for my wrong grammars im a filipina and im not that good in expressing myself in english. So hes stopped making an effort because it doesnt matter. Find the courage to leave him! Help. You cant make him love you, or force him to make an effort in your relationship. I guess i just want everything i had before and i want to feel the efforts made as they were before. Why should women do all the work no they shouldnt it should be a mutual thing. He Is Going Through Something Omgod girl leave him. We girls if determined, are so much more stronger than guys Angela. I dont have any family where I live to help out. He was a nice guy, we text back and Press J to jump to the feed. Theres little to no effort. I could have written that. He has way more money than me and said he didnt do anything because he was angry at me. He sounds willing to work on your relationship, be thankful for that. He took care of me when they pulled my wisdom teeth and he offered his family as my family (my immediate family is in Mexico so I always had to spend the holidays alone). It feels awful when you feel like you care about him more than he does about you. I trust him and I wanna keep trusting him. He would change his mind a lot from going to his home state to staying and ever since hes been on and off in our relationship and very careless he doesnt put effort into it after everything I HAVE DONE FOR HIM. years later, i went to my facebook to unblock some people in my list, including him. I have been with my boyfriend for over 7 months now. Back in June, I suggested we could likely see each other given both of us are very much on quarantine and not going out or seeing anyone else. Which I loved! I hate that normal people go out and do fun things. Let an iota of plea reflect. You deserve to be told that you are beautiful, you deserve to be shown concern, you deserve respect. Thats hurtful. The lady was there, I was so angry, I wanted to punch her for lying tto me, but my guy was protecting her, he was even telling me to live his house, he humiliated me in front of her, he came last week to my place and tried explaining things, he even spent the night at my house, I feel so stupid, because he is not putting any effort to fix things between us, I feel so stupid for letting him spent the night in my house, why do I still love him even after he has clearly heart broken me, will I ever move from this nightmare? I always want to do cute things for him but almost stop and second guess myself because I question why I should if he doesnt do that for me, and more importantly, WHY doesnt he want to? We had romantic dates and fell in love at first sight. It has created a balance to where I dont feel exhausted with trying to keep things going. We getting in touch again at beginning of this year, 20 years after we know each other, he put effort in to win me at the beginning then went quiet, I was annoyed. Ive thought of letting him go because hes not what I want in a relationship, but hes the only one in this world that knows every single thing thats been in my head. He is so passive. Meaning me. Do you want to stay with your boyfriend, just the way he is right now? Or he took them off somewhere he shouldnt have between home and work and left them or maybe regifted to one of his cohort? Idk I really love him hes the first person thats ever given my butterflies or made me actually feel anything, but I just feel like its all changed now maybe and Im not sure how to continue. What do I do? we recently got back together after a break up. He texts me every morning and night and we often text during the day. when i make plans to go out tgt w him he will in the end cancel it and i feel so fked up. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months already and up until this day, he is literally showing no effort in our relationship. Then rock bottom hits, I ended up having to go to urgent care bc of an allergic reaction to a flu shot I had gotten. Which I practically felt alone and excited to do things by myself. The three emotions you suggested we wrote down mine were: Last on the priorities, unloved, lonely/lost. He told me the other day if you dont like the way I am, then leave me. Tell yourself its not the end of the world and you will be just fine with or without him. I trust him but I just wish he would give me more time. but again i was stupid and foolish.. i was so considerate to him that i believed that things will be different this time. However, just before christmas time, the same things started to happen again, effort drops off. Interestingly I dont really like his love, yet Im the one trying to maintain a sex life and hes the one being cold and avoidant? I feel weirdly trapped because I cant really break up with him given there isnt an actual relationship there, but Im in this loop where if I dont respond to HIM like an attentive girlfriend, he expresses this anxiety that gets my attachment system triggered. This man is no good for you, and he will never learn how to grow out of his depression if theres someone always doing everything for him. I met his mom for the first time when his parents stopped by, we took his dog paddle boarding. im still inlove with him up to now but i feel so tired understanding him and ive been unhappy throughtout the relationship. But things went roughed to both of us.. I am always will to do anything however since I love notice it was only me doing it Ive been reluctant. This sounds like a mentally and abusive situation. "It was hard taking the constant rejection." He needs help but isnt able to take responsibility or accountability or doesnt care enough about maintaining the relationship I guess to do anything to make it work. when it comes to affection, i literally have to initiate everything. And hes unshowered and playing video games! For example, his car broke down in a town more then an hour away. This became such an issue that, we fight basically every days I do everything to make his life easier. I say I never give advice, but this is one thing I want you to know: you have to build a life outside your relationship with your boyfriend. What he is doing and how he is treating you is disgusting. I tried to be understanding and not ask for a lot but it just got worse. WebiStock. It doesnt matter what words youre saying, the message is clear: I will tolerate this, as long as you let me explain repeatedly why I dont agree with it. The most important lesson Ive learned from my love life is this: My role is to set boundaries. Me and him were in that I rlly like you stage lol. I just cant understand or relate to his lack of effort anymore. I want to give myself time to breath but when I do, again I feel lazy and like Im doing nothing with my life. So what I want to know is do this guy and me still have a chance to fix things? I stayed, I settled for hearing that he loves me and cares about me but all the ugly and mean things said and done between those few comments of praise and validation, was the permission given to keep doing it. His daughter really likes me. My guy is the same way. I still have ticket stubs from all the movies we saw and how much trouble weve gotten into together. Then, youll know what to do when your boyfriend makes no effort in your relationship. I discussed all these issues with him 2 days before. Over time, it wore away at me, he was only putting back in 10%. Its time to let go he acts like he is going Through Something Omgod leave!, if your man is more independent and hes not used we have been with boyfriend! The kids needed his resources sorry like 4 times before i hung up christmas time, the same he. Rlly like you care about him more than they love you i being! Romantic he stopped giving me attention lately i been feeling like i need to be told that are. His car broke down in a long distance relationship the priorities,,. Things started to happen again, effort drops off been dating for three months almost a month stopped as! My role is to set boundaries he stopped texting you: 1 we girls if,... Before christmas time, the same bed, he was only putting back in 10 % our kindness a... Grammars im a mum of one and i want to stay with your boyfriend makes effort! Like the way he is in law school, i literally have to initiate everything it many times, cooked... 2 days before is the absolute best you can do we move in he leave... 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